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Wicked times in the Namib Desert

PICS: Dr Rad Loveburger / Words: Captain Michael McTits

We recently teamed up with our buddies at Stomp Surf on a 3,000km Desert odyssey, deep into sandy, desolate Namibia. Picking up the campervan in Capetown was a breeze, getting on the freeway even easier! The only real difficult part of the trip was trying to finish our South African pub dinners, which were basically Porterhouse Steaks the size of a large Chinese circus midget...

Driving in South Africa is pretty easy, there's not a great deal of traffic and the roads are all pretty modern and nice. There's the occasional motherfucker elephant or antelope crossing the road when you get to the wild parts and a heap of baboons running around.

I'm a bit of a pussy when it comes to doing anything, so this was an adventure. We basically planned nothing, just grabbed the campervan from Wicked in Capetown and headed north along the South African west coast. It seems like there's not a lot of stuff going on between Capetown and the Namibian border. We stopped in at Lamberts Bay for a surf, before a night in Springbok where we ate about 45kgs of beef each. If you're a vegetarian, then don't go to South Arfica.

Crossing the border in Nambia was a breeze. Because we were in a moving colourful billboard (courtesy of Wicked Campers), the officers at Border Control wanted to have a chat. They actually wanted to know why we didn't have any weed on us and promptly asked if they could come surfing with us. It was a very serious affair indeed...

Namibia is a very pretty country, a bit like Australia but even more desolate it would seem. The south-east of the country is basically endless desert dunes resting against the ocean. It's wild, sandy, windy, a little scary and a lot of awesome. If you're after wildlife, then you should really head further inland towards Botswana instead of meandering in the desert like we did.

We saw quite a few Antelope, Baboons, Ostrich, Springbok and whales along the way. Often animals would run across the road in front of you, which can be a little difficult when you're bombing at 170kms/hr while lighting a cigarette and arm wrestling. But there's plenty of desert around, so you've got a bit of warning before they get to you and smoosh on your windscreen.

Overall, it was a nice trip. I got sand in my vagina (I don't even own a vagina!) and lots of sun burn. I also got to pat a wild horse, and was happy that he didn't try to bite me or steal my wallet.

If you want to see Namibia and the Skeleton Coast, I highly suggest grabbing a Wicked Camper from either Capetown or Johannesburg. Drive through Botswana if you get the chance, lots of sexy elephant things there. And there's also naked boobies in the Kalahari Desert...nice!

We hope these pictures make you moist for Nambia - it's a pretty place. P.S Some of the pics are actually Capetown. P.S.S There's no naked boobies here. Sorry...


Does your head hurt when you Pee?

If it does, you may have acute cranial stick-o-plexia - a horrible affliction that I just made up in my mind. Symptoms include sweating from embarrassing areas, sticking to leather couches and an obsessive compulsive tendency to lick the back of peoples heads at the supermarket. What does any of this have to do with hiring a Wicked Camper in Africa? I'm not sure really, but I've been to Africa and I've hired a Wicked Camper - and I don't suffer from Stick-o-plexia, so it would seem that what you need to do is hire a Wicked Camper and/or go to Africa to avoid becoming another victim of this terrible imaginary disorder that I just made up, just then.

Ok well that's about it, I'm Captain Michael McTits, signing off.

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